Emotionalism

This post is a direct result of the amazing Mama Bears at Mama Bear Apologetics and their book by the same name. They are moms, apologists, and authors who dedicate their time and talents to defending Christianity. I read their book and blogs, listen to their podcasts, and follow them on social media to learn how to better equip my special needs son and the kids in my ESE ministry at church with the tools to defend their faith. I simply take the material already presented by the Mama Bears and put it in terms that hopefully anyone can understand, and then include activities and visuals to aid the average…and not-so-average student. All credit goes to the Mama Bears! A link to their book and other great apologetics resources for people of all ages and abilities can be found here.

Emotions are good and even healthy. God uses them to touch us and to teach us. They should not be ignored. They can help you empathize with others. That means that you can understand someone's feelings and even share those same feelings with them. For example, if your friend's grandma just died and they are sad, and your grandma died two years ago and you can remember how sad it made you feel, you can be a good friend and comfort your friend because you know just how they are feeling.
 
While emotions should not be ignored, they should not be worshiped either. They were never meant to lead us. Feeling sad or angry should not be all you think about or make you make unhealthy or unwise choices in things you say, your actions, or ways you treat others. 
 
"Emotions are like toddlers. They are fun, but you'd never put one in charge."
 
We need to train our emotions. Untrained emotions are like untrained dogs that run around and pee on everything or attack people who did nothing to them, unprovoked. Well-trained dogs can lead a visually-impaired person safely across a busy street, alert people to danger, and protect someone from an imminent threat. Likewise, untrained emotions can run rampant, destroying relationships, causing arguments, and hurting others emotionally and even physically. Trained emotions can diffuse stressful and even volatile situations, build on foundations for healthy relationships, and point others to their need for a Savior…instead of psychotherapy.
 
Emotions are a tool and can be used to discover the truth about something if they line up with Scripture, reason, and reality.
 
How we respond to our emotions are like the choices we have when responding to warning lights on a car. You can ignore the light and even put duct tape over it so you don't see it anymore. That is denying there is anything wrong with your car. You can become angry that a warning light came on and punch the light. That is lashing out at the reality that something is wrong with your car. Finally, you can take your car to a mechanic to find out the truth about why the light is on, what is wrong with your car. This takes time, you have to rely on an expert...the mechanic, and it will cost you money.
 
Now apply these three steps to how you respond to your emotions. You can ignore how you are feeling, which may also mean ignoring a reality associated with the feeling, a reality that really needs to be addressed. For example, if you smell smoke and it initially causes you fear, but then you ignore the feeling and the smoke, you may be putting yourself in danger of a fire burning close by. Secondly, you can overreact to your emotions and explode into tears or an angry tantrum every time you experience emotions. This will definitely hurt your relationships with other people who will not want to be around you anymore or talk to you because they will be afraid of your reaction. Thirdly, you can take your emotions to God and line them up with Scripture, reason, and reality. This will maker you wiser in your future reactions to situations and emotions and strengthen your relationships with other people.
 
There are two components to our emotions:
 

1. Passions - This is the chemical reactions to our emotions like anger and fear that we cannot control. Examples of chemicals released in response to our emotions are serotonin for happy and calm emotions, endorphins for when we are excited, oxytocin for when we feel love, adrenalin and epinephrine for when we feel scared, and dopamine for when we feel angry.
2. Non-Physical Components - These can change quickly and are controllable. 

 
Here is an example of how the physical and nonphysical components of our emotions work together: Your dad promised a fishing trip for the two of you on Saturday while mom is at a church retreat. Saturday morning you wake up early and ready to go. You get dressed, come downstairs for breakfast, and find that dad is nowhere to be found. You try calling him on his cell phone, but it goes straight to voice mail. You pack the fishing gear, eat a bowl of cereal, and sit down to wait. An hour goes by. You are feeling angry. This was supposed to be your day with dad. Where is he? Why would he go anywhere knowing you guys had plans? You think he is probably just running errands, which makes you even angrier that he picked today of all days to do that. Suddenly you hear a key in the door and in walk your grandparents. They tell you that dad went to the bait store before you woke up to get worms for your trip and, while he was there, he suffered a heart attack. He is at the hospital and your grandparents are there to pick you up to go and see him. Your anger disappears immediately. Why? That anger was based on the assumption that your dad was running errands on your big fishing trip day. Now this new information of his heart attack has changed your emotions. Now you are worried and scared and even sad. You were angry because of what you thought was true, but now your emotions have changed based on the facts, reality.
 
See how using our emotions to determine truth is dangerous and not good? Our emotions have to be conformed to the truth to tell us anything helpful.
 
Lies:
 

1. If I feel it, it's true. The stronger a person feels about something, the more truth they assign to that feeling. The stronger the feeling, the truer the truth. How do you get everyone else to accept your truth? You get others to feel as strongly as you do. It's why there are more testimonials on websites than fact-based research. A powerful personal story can convince people of truth more efficiently than pages of factual research. Similarly, the power of a story can convince people of truth much more effectively than pages of Scripture. Think about it, Biblical testimonies revolved around Christ, His life, death, and resurrection...what He did! In Acts 26:1-29, Paul shared his testimony with King Agrippa and a small audience. Note that Paul never once used the words "I feel" in his testimony. It was all about what God did for him, about Jesus and His life, teachings, and sacrifice for him, as well as everyone else. Modern-day testimonies are all about how our emotional lives have changed since our conversion. It's all about us! "I feel happy and at peace now that I have Jesus. I don't get angry as quickly as I used to. Since I became a believer, I have not felt as lonely or unloved."
2. I cannot choose or control my emotions. Even if I can control them, I shouldn't because then I am being fake, inauthentic. I am putting on an act instead of just allowing myself to feel the way I am feeling.
3. Negative emotions are harmful to our health.

 
If lies #2 and #3 are true (we cannot choose or control or emotions and negative emotions are harmful), then reality has to be changed to protect what we are feeling. For example, we don't want anyone in the science fair to feel sad or angry or like they are not smart enough because they didn't win the fair. That may make them feel so bad about themselves that they consider hurting themselves or they look at themselves like losers for the rest of their lives. Therefore, everyone in the science fair is a winner. Everyone gets a ribbon.
 
We need to teach our kids that there are winners and losers, but whether or not they win first place in a science fair, does not determine their worth in the God who created them in His image (Gen. 1:27). We need to encourage them to be good sports and how to congratulate others who win and to never give up doing their very best and work at whatever they are working at as though they are working for the Lord and not for men (Col. 3:23-24).
 
Another example is that, for whatever reason, someone feels worthless. They can't control the way they feel, that's true. So to help them not feel worthless, we change everything around them to make them feel valuable, to build up their self-esteem. We exaggerate their achievements, tell them how wonderful and important and awesome they are, maybe even put others around them down or compare them to others we know they are "better" than. Their self-esteem rises, but their self-control takes a nosedive. They grow to not able to handle rejection, loss, or negative emotions. In 2016, colleges across the country shut down, canceled exams, and passed out puppies and Play-Doh to help students deal with the presidential election results. These adults had clearly not been taught how to deal with negative emotions as children.
 
Instead, we need to point them to Genesis 1:27 as proof of their worth as a creation in God's own image.
 
The problem with trying to change reality to fit others' emotions is that we cannot possibly get rid of everything that causes negative emotions. It's impossible because different people are offended by different things. The number of offenses are limitless!
 
Emotions have to match reality, bottom line. Reality can't be made to match emotions. If someone feels scared, they assume they are in danger. Instead, they should perceive real danger and then, as a result, feel scared. DNA or body parts should determine our child's gender. What a child "feels like" should not determine their gender. See how dangerous trying to make reality match emotions can be? 
 
Dangers of Emotionalism:
 

• Roger Ebert said, "Your intellect may be confused, but your emotions will never lie to you." Wrong! Emotions lie!
  • A depressed person feels unloved.
  • An anorexic person feels fat.
  • A bully feels superior.
  • An anxious person feels scared.

None of these are truth!
 
Recognizing the Emotionalism:
 

• "Follow your heart." Basically, follow your desires...what your heart wants to do or say.
• ALL CAPS IN A SOCIAL MEDIA POST!
• Protestors with an angry mob mentality or whose message is not clear by how they are protesting. It is all to invoke emotion.
  • In 2008, the cost of gas per liter in euros was roughly $9 (U.S.) per gallon. Protestors in Spain and France protested the inflated price by riding bicycles through the streets totally naked. Make sense? No!
• Political Correctness - We also see it in the recent trend to use politically correct vocabulary so as not to arouse negative feelings in others. Humanity is used instead of mankind to keep women from being offended. Poor people are economically marginalised. A housewife is a domestic engineer. An obese person is a metabolic overachiever. And the list goes on!
• "I'm offended!" No two people think or feel alike. Ideas will conflict and collide and cause bad feelings, even when things are said with the purest of motives and best of intentions. Reality is that your emotions are not someone else's responsibility. Our actions can and likely will at some point cause negative feelings in others, but you cannot make everyone happy all the time. If you have ever had to cook for a big family or pick the dates for a neighborhood block party, you know what I am talking about.

Activities to Teach Your Kids About Emotionalism:

• Using the Scripture memory activities here, begin committing one of the Scriptures that disproves the lie it goes with to memory each week. Also use them to memorize Romans 12:2, Philippians 4:8, and Jeremiah 17:9 as shown above. Remember, God's Word is the sword of the Spirit (Eph. 6:17), God-breathed, and useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness (2 Timothy 3:16).
• Brainstorm examples of people in the Bible who had trouble controlling their emotions and acted on them instead of aligning their emotions with Scripture, reason, and reality. Think of King Saul and his jealousy over David or David and his lust for Bathsheba. How did it work out for them?
• Teach your kids the difference between fact and fiction, truth and truth claims. Truth equals reality. A truth claim is something someone says is reality, whether or not it is, and no matter how you feel about it. Scan a magazine for product ads or pay attention to product commercials on TV. How much of the ad is based on facts or research and how much is based on stories from people who have tried the product? Talk to your kids about the importance of being fact finders, not just feelers.
• Read Acts 26:1-29 where Paul shared his testimony with King Agrippa and a small audience. Note that Paul never once used the words "I feel" in his testimony. It was all about what God did for him, about Jesus and His life, teachings, and sacrifice for him, as well as everyone else. Share your testimony with your kids, focusing only on what God did and not on how what He did makes you feel. Encourage them to begin writing their own testimony using the same parameters.
• Make a homemade compass...twice! Let me explain. Take a blunt sewing needle and attach it to a piece of cork. You could use a wine cork. Attach it with tape or even a dot of E6000 glue (waterproof). Just wait for the glue to dry completely before moving onto the next step. You could also just push the needle through the center of the cork if it is long enough. Drop it in a bowl of water. Now download a compass app on your phone or iPad. There are free ones and you just need a simple one. You could also grab an actual compass if you have one. Show your kids how the actual compass (or app) one always points to true north. Let them spin the cork their needle is attached to in the bowl of water and see which direction it is pointing to once it stops moving. It may or may not be pointing north, but if it is, it is only by chance because the needle has not yet been magnetized. 

DIY Compass

Now grab four index cards. Think of a scenario. For example, you were not invited to a friend's birthday party. You were in the same class together in third grade and now are in different classes and in the fifth grade. You used to ride bikes together and even spent the night at his/her house once or twice, but that was a long time ago and you don't really hang out anymore. Still, you know other people going to the birthday party and your feelings are hurt that you were not invited. You are feeling like no one likes you, worthless. Cue the music. "Nobody likes me. Everybody hates me. Guess I'll go eat worms." Now on three of the index cards, write feelings you might feel as a result of not being invited to the party and an action you could take because of those feelings. For example, one card could be the feeling sad and worthless and, as a result, you are going to sit in your room and cry all day the day of the birthday party. Another card could be angry and you are never going to talk to your friend whose birthday it is again. The third card might read indifferent (you don't care even though you really do) and you are going to tell your other friends going to the party that you have somewhere more fun to be than the stupid party so who cares anyway. Make sure somewhere on these three cards are the words south, east, or west (one direction per card).
 
Now grab the fourth index card and label it north. Find a Scripture that proves one of the other cards is not based on truth. For example, Luke 12:6-7 would be a good truth to cover the lie that no one likes you and you are worthless and should sit in your room and cry all day. Also write on the card the action befitting that Scripture. It could be that you are going to make a birthday card for your friend and mail it or give it to one of your other friends going to the birthday party to deliver for you. Lay the index cards around the bowl with your compass floating in it, making sure where they are corresponds to the directions written on them (north, south, east, and west).
 
Put your Bible at the north spot with the north index card. Read the scenario again to your kids. Have them spin their compass in the water and let it stop where it wants to. It may end pointing to the north card, but if you do this experiment several times, it will surely land pointing to the others a few times as well. Talk to your kids about how this is how we will be controlled by our emotions and act based on them (conforming to the world) if we have not done what Romans 12:2 tells us to do in transforming our minds to follow God's truths instead.
 
Now comes the fun part. Take your compass out of the water. Use a magnet to magnetize it by rubbing the magnet all over the needle for about thirty seconds. You can use a magnet wand like the kind B-I-N-G-O players use to remove their chips from their boards or a magnet from your fridge. Just make sure it is not one of those flimsy advertisement magnets as they will not magnetize your compass well. Place your compass back in the water and repeat the above activity, spinning the compass a few times to see which direction it points to. It should always be north now that it is magnetized! Brainstorm other scenarios and corresponding directional cards with your kids to walk them through a few different situations. Talk to your kids about how we have to make sure our emotional compasses are pointing in the right direction by magnetizing them first with God's truth. How? Knowing what His Word says, Scripture memory, being in the Word everyday.

• Host of the Truth for Life Christian radio ministry and senior pastor of Cleveland's Parkside Church, Alistair Begg said, "The great need is for us to be taught theologically, not just stirred emotionally." Look at Philippians 4:8 and discuss how it can be used as a checklist of attributes to what we should be thinking about, which always leads to what we will be feeling. Teach your kids to take a thought and see if it is noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy. If it is not, it is not a thought they should be dwelling on. You may need to define these words for younger kids before doing this. For example, if your child tells you they don't like their freckles and they think that they are ugly, which in turn makes them feel worthless and sad, walk them through the attributes to show them that thought does not line up with God's Word.
  • Noble - worthy of honor or respect
  • Right - true
  • Pure - wholesome
  • Lovely - beautiful
  • Admirable - deserving of respect or approval
  • Excellent - extremely good
  • Praiseworthy - deserving approval or admiration
• Know the Facts - Start by defining fact and fiction. Fact is a thing that is known or proved to be true. Fiction is a belief or statement that is false, made up, not proven as true.
  • Here are a few activities that help kids discern fact from opinion (or fiction).
    • Fact or Fiction Activities from The Barefoot Teacher
    • Fact vs. Opinion
  • Make up a few of your own scenarios and corresponding facts and opinions. Better yet, use real-life circumstances as opportunities to weed out the fiction from the facts. For example, your daughter may see a picture of a skinny model on the cover of a magazine in the checkout line at the grocery store. She responds by saying that she (your daughter) is fat. In reality, according to the CDC body mass index guidelines, she is exactly the weight she should be for her age and height. Fact versus fiction. Obviously, you want to make sure you are using reputable forms of research, such as a medical site and not what the latest edition of Teen Magazine has to say about body image. Also, remind your daughter of the ultimate truth found in Genesis 1:27, that she is created in God's image.
• Play board or family sports games and teach good sportsmanship. Cheer each other on, consoling someone when they don't win while encouraging them that they played a great game, have another chance to win the next time, and that having fun and making memories together is more important than winning and losing. Use Scriptures to promote good sportsmanship (https://www.faithgateway.com/what-does-the-bible-say-about-sportsmanship/#.XuZaEWkpB-E):
  • Play by the rules, learn about your game/sport, do your best. Col. 3:23-24 - Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. (NIV)
  • Be a humble winner and do not gloat about your victory of another's loss. Phil. 2:3 - Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. (NIV)
  • Be a team player. 1 Cor. 12:27 - Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. (NIV), Eccl. 4:9-10 - Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. (NIV)
  • Encourage your teammates and even your opponents. Eph. 4:29 - Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. (NIV), 1 Thess. 5:11 - Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. (NIV)
  • Listen to and follow the directions of your coach. Heb. 13:17 - Have confidence in your leaders and submit to their authority, because they keep watch over you as those who must give an account. Do this so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no benefit to you. (NIV)
  • Respect the officials. 1 Peter 5:5 - In the same way, you who are younger, submit yourselves to your elders. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” (NIV)
  • Don't lose your cool, even if other players lose theirs. 2 Tim. 1:7 - For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. (NIV)
• Play "Follow Your Heart." Look for opportunities to give examples of following your heart and encourage your kids to do the same. For example, you are at a red light and running late. Say, "If I followed my heart right now, I would run this light and cut off all of the other cars to go ahead of them. What would happen if I followed my heart?" Discuss the consequences to you and everyone else of following your heart in that situation. Be creative! "I want to follow my heart and not wear any clothes to the grocery store today!" Jonathan Martensson said, "Feelings are much like waves. We can't stop them from coming, but we can choose which one to surf." Talk about what this quote means. Acknowledge that getting emotions under control is different for everyone. While everyone can control their emotions, the way they do it and the time they need to do it is different for everyone. There is no right or wrong way, as long as they do get their emotions under control.
• Make emotions flashcards or an emotions matching game to play with younger kids to teach them the different emotions. Talk about how God created us perfectly to feel all of these emotions and how Jesus felt each of them when He was on earth too. Talk about how one emotion is not more important than another and how it's not just emotions that make us feel good like joy and excited and surprised that we should let ourselves feel and be OK with, but anger and sadness and fear have their place as well. Watch Disney's Pixar movie Inside Out and discuss how the movie's main character Joy learned the value of sadness. Here are some emotions Jesus expressed. Look for more!:
  • Joy at Pleasing His Father - Hebrews 12:2 - fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before Him He endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. (NIV)
  • Anger at the Pharisees for Being Hypocrites - Matthew 23:33 - “You snakes! You brood of vipers! How will you escape being condemned to hell? (NIV)
  • Anger/Disgust at Injustice - John 2:13-17 - When it was almost time for the Jewish Passover, Jesus went up to Jerusalem. In the temple courts He found people selling cattle, sheep and doves, and others sitting at tables exchanging money. So He made a whip out of cords, and drove all from the temple courts, both sheep and cattle; He scattered the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables. To those who sold doves He said, “Get these out of here! Stop turning my Father’s house into a market!” His disciples remembered that it is written: “Zeal for your house will consume Me.” (NIV) 
  • Sadness - John 11:33-35 - When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, He was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. “Where have you laid him?” He asked. “Come and see, Lord,” they replied. Jesus wept. (NIV)
  • Frustration at the Disciples' Lack of Faith - Matthew 17:14-20 - When they came to the crowd, a man approached Jesus and knelt before him. “Lord, have mercy on my son,” he said. “He has seizures and is suffering greatly. He often falls into the fire or into the water. I brought him to your disciples, but they could not heal him.” "You unbelieving and perverse generation,” Jesus replied, “how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy here to me.” Jesus rebuked the demon, and it came out of the boy, and he was healed at that moment. Then the disciples came to Jesus in private and asked, “Why couldn’t we drive it out?” He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” (NIV)
• Teach your kids about the tools in their emotional toolbox and how, if they align with Scripture, reason, and reality, they can be used to discover truth and are powerful reinforcers. Emotions can be trained. For example, you hear a sermon that convicts you about a sin you know you have not stoped doing. That conviction leads to repentance and a change in your heart and behavior. For another example, your kids hear about an earthquake in a third world country where hundreds of thousands of survivors are now homeless, hurt, and have no access to fresh water and food. They have seen images of the disaster on the news. They are sad and wish there was something they could do to help the survivors. It is reasonable that they are sad for those people. Who wouldn't be? The reality is that many of these people will die from starvation and exposure if they do not receive help. Scripture tells us in Hebrews 13:16 that we should not neglect to do good and to share what we have because that pleases God. As a result, your kids discover the truth that they can use the sadness they are feeling to make a difference, to be used by God to do good. They brainstorm fundraisers and other creative ways they can earn money to give to a relief organization to help the survivors. Some kids may be worried and scared after seeing the images that an earthquake will happen in their neighborhood and harm them or their loved ones. The reality is that there has never been and earthquake in your state's history and statistically speaking, one is very unlikely. Therefore, it is unreasonable to think there will be an earthquake where they live. Scripture tells us in Isaiah 41:10 that we need not be scared because God is with us. He will give us strength, help us, and hold us up. Psalm 46:1 tells us that God is our refuge and strength and always there to help us in times of trouble. There are so many Scriptures that could apply! As a result, your kids can discover that they have no reason to be scared or worried because God is always with them and will give them strength when trouble comes.
• Teach your kids about the different ways they can respond to their emotions and the consequences of each (warning lights on a car visual). Use something they may relate to easier than the car example, like a video game console not working properly or cell phone glitching. For example, your iPhone is not sending your text messages and every time you try to play your favorite game on your phone, the game closes after a few minutes and you have to restart your phone to get back into the game. You have three choices:
  • You can ignore the problem, stop texting people, and just keep restarting your phone to get back into your game. The consequences are clear. People will never get your text messages and may wonder if you are mad at or upset with them because they don't hear back from you or you may miss an important message. It will also take you a long time to get to the next level of your favorite game.
  • You can be angry that your phone is glitching and throw it against a wall and smash it until it doesn't work at all anymore. Now you can't play your game anymore at all, you will have to buy a new phone, and until you do, you won't be able to call of text your friends. A new iPhone will be costly too.
  • You can take your phone to the Genius Bar at the Apple store and let them figure out what is wrong with it and fix it. It may cost you money to get it fixed and take you some time, but the expert at the Genius Bar will know what is wrong with it and have a solution to fix it.

Now talk to your kids about applying these three steps to how they respond to their emotions. You can ignore how you are feeling, which may also mean ignoring a reality associated with the feeling, a reality that really needs to be addressed. For example, if you smell smoke and it initially causes you fear, but then you ignore the feeling and the smoke, you may be putting yourself in danger of a fire burning close by. Secondly, you can overreact to your emotions and explode into tears or an angry tantrum every time you experience emotions. This will definitely hurt your relationships with other people who will not want to be around you anymore or talk to you because they will be afraid of your reaction. Thirdly, you can take your emotions to God and line them up with Scripture, reason, and reality. This will maker you wiser in your future reactions to situations and emotions and strengthen your relationships with other people.

• Teach your kids that their emotions and thoughts interact. Our emotions flow from our thoughts and beliefs. They have to examine their thoughts and their emotions, like looking at a specimen under a microscope. Teach them to ask themselves these questions:
  • What kind of a thought or feeling is it?
  • Does the thought or feeling line up with what God teaches in His Word?
  • Does the thought or feeling line up with reality or my own perception (the way I see things, not the way God sees things)?
• Teach your kids what to means to transform their minds, as Romans 12:1-2 says we are to do. Have them close their eyes and tell them to think about something, say a fresh bowl of popped popcorn. Tell them to picture it, hot with butter flavoring sprinkled on top and piled high in the bowl. They can probably almost smell it! Now tell them to think about something else, like a hot fudge sundae. It is three scoops of vanilla ice cream in a big glass dish. It has mounds of hot fudge over the top and running down the sides, forming little pools of chocolate around the scoops of ice cream. There is a fluffy white pyramid of whipped cream on top and a bright red juicy cherry. Ask your kids if they were able to switch the image in their minds from the popcorn to the hot fudge sundae. That is being transformed by the renewing of our minds! When we experience a passion we can't control (fear or anger), we can still choose to control our actions.
• Ask your kids often, "How did that make you feel?"
• Teach your kids how to use the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Z Model for Decision-Making
  1. Look at the facts.
  2. Use the facts to form a big picture of the issue.
  3. Identify possible courses of action and their outcomes.
  4. Evaluate how each outcome will affect everyone else, not just yourself.

From there, choose the best course of action and then re-evaluate the emotion. After having gone through each of the above steps, a new perspective has likely formed. Think back to the compass example and not being invited to the birthday party. Come up with more examples of possible scenarios or, better yet, apply real life ones as they come up to this decision-making model. The more decisions you make this way, the easier it will become and the less likely you will be to make rash decisions based purely on your emotions, which results in hurt relationships and other negative consequences for everyone involved.