• Home
  • About Us
  • Blog
  • Resources
  • Contact Us
  • Photo Gallery
  • FREEBIES
  Rainbow-Colored Grass

Blog

Picture
Just the thoughts millin' around in my head...random-the good, the bad, the ugly.
Subscribe
Autism Parenting Magazine
Published Articles:

Issue 54: Ways to Survive ASD Parenting and Stay Thankful
Issue 58: Winning Ways to Share the Love with All of Your Children
Issue 81: When Special Education Fails to Be Special
Issue 89: Volunteering with Special Needs: Teaching the Served to Serve
Issue 107: The Everyday Reality of Parenting an Aggressive Child

Blog Post Topics

All
Apologetics For All Abilities
Behaviors
Community Based Education
Diagnoses & Medical
ESE Ministry
Family
Friends
Interviews & Published Magazine Articles
Products
Resources
Revelations From God
Social Skills
Special Education
Special Needs Parenting
Tara's Ramblings
Therapies

Tara Bertic, through her Rainbow-Colored Grass blog is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. Amazon, the Amazon logo, AmazonSupply, and the AmazonSupply logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.

Exhaling and Manscaping

6/27/2018

0 Comments

 
Been a while. I know I say that at the start of most of my blog posts. I think it is a case of things going so well right now that I just don't know what to blog about. The struggles are far and few in between at this moment. At this moment. I am all too aware that could change in a nanosecond. I have learned that the hard way time and again. But honestly, since December or so, things have been very different. Different in a good way.

The cursing has stopped. The physical aggression is gone. There have been no hallucinations or delusions since January 26th. He is talking again, to us and about everything. He is talking about past events and things he remembers. He is singing along to the radio in the van. He can't stop talking about VBC in a few weeks. He smiles a lot, sleeps less during the day, and has been so compliant we even have him doing chores and some summer school. He may verbalize that he doesn't want to do it, but as he says that, he is doing whatever we asked him to do. He is looking forward to Monster Jam in August and has even showed interest in some hobbies he has liked in the past. 

It has been a new normal for us, a nice new normal. He has been on the same medication combination for months now and holding steady. His psychiatrist is confident in this treatment plan and believes we will only need to adjust dosages as he grows. 

I feel like I have been holding my breath for the past six months waiting for it all to fall apart and things to go back to the way they had been for so many years and I am just now slowly beginning to exhale. Relief. There is no other way to explain the feeling. It has made me want to do absolutely nothing but sleep...not to escape anymore, but because I don't think I ever realized just how exhausted I was from the past few years of circumstances with him. 

I remember back when things were at their worst with Jerry behaviorally, physically, and emotionally. Really, in the big scheme of things, it was not all that long ago. But I remember people looking at our lives and commenting, "I just don't know how you guys do it." I thought that so absurd, like we had a choice. We were not doing anything extraordinary. We were merely surviving. Now, in this season of being able to breathe and reflect, and rest, I look back and wonder, how did we do it? How did we persevere? How did we survive? How did we make it through each day, each episode, each battle...walking through the minefield of meltdowns and always on the brink of the unknown, flinching every time he raised his voice or fist? Each day definitely holding enough troubles of its own. 

Grace. That's my only answer. Unmerited, undeserved, unwarranted...minute by minute, day by day. 

I remember the devastation of Jerry's new diagnosis of schizophrenia last summer. I remember thinking, really God? This too? Why? But looking back I realize that, had we never received that blow, we never would have discovered this treatment that has brought us to where he is now. He is on the exact same medications that have worked for family members suffering from similar diagnoses. Only makes sense that it would work for him. Can't help but wonder, if he had been diagnosed with the schizophrenia earlier, how much of the past few years could we have avoided. And then I remember that God is sovereign and so the answer to that is, "none." while there are things that have happened over the last few years that I in no way understand or can see the reason behind, ultimately I don't need to. I just need to trust that it's all been for our good and God's glory, somehow, some way. And that's that really. 

So no what? Well, the rebuilding begins. I see new signs of life in the relationships between him and his siblings. I see trust being rebuilt, hearts being mended, scars fading, and lessons being learned. We are witnessing the Lord restore to us the years the locusts have eaten.

We even planned a family cruise vacation in December! In a million years I never would have even entertained the idea of quarantining myself on a floating vessel with no way to escape except by flailing overboard! Instead, we are looking forward to it, all of us. 

And I am not saying that we do not still have moments and are not still enduring struggles with our gift from God. We are. They just don't take our breath away as often and our joy is not as easily diminished by them as it used to be.

We are still working on self-care skills that I worry he will never master sometimes...wiping, teeth-brushing, putting his clothes on right side out and not backwards. And puberty? While I have been assured that exceptional needs girls and menstrual cycles are far worse, exceptional needs boys and the body parts that seem to have a mind all their own are not much fun either. I assure you. And poor Jerry really has no idea what is happening to his body. Some of it "tickles" and some of it is downright irritating...like body hair. We have been told that "it itches." Ben came downstairs the other morning to Jerry on the couch, pants down, scissors in hand. He was giving himself a "haircut" in hopes that it wouldn't bother him anymore. Poor Ben! Oh the things he will never be able to unsee! Jerry manscaping! We reiterated how dangerous it is to have scissors that close to certain body parts and assured him that, if he cuts all of the hair off, it will itch even more! True story. You can't make this stuff up. Tim Hawkins material.
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    I am a Christian. I am a wife. I am a mom. I am a teacher. I am an author. In that order.

    Archives

    August 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    January 2020
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    April 2019
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    June 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    August 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016

Proudly powered by Weebly
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Blog
  • Resources
  • Contact Us
  • Photo Gallery
  • FREEBIES