Morphine and A Delicate Balance

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Jerry finally got his G-tube this morning. While I am sure he was pleased to wake up with nothing trailing from his nostrils anymore, I am not sure he would have traded the NG tube for what he woke up with had he known then what he knows now. It hurts. And it will for a while. He has a foreign object inside of him and protruding out of his stomach. Ouch.

On a positive note, Jerry is quite entertaining once the Morphine kicks in. After his first dose this morning, he began singing Jesus Loves Me. It didn't last long though before the pain and discomfort were back. Then he is irritable, restless, and oh so sensitive to every "irritation" around him, which this afternoon mostly had to do with his brother Ben. I swear he could hear Ben breathing and was thoroughly annoyed, which by the way Ben found quite entertaining in and of itself.

And he can't seem to find a position where he doesn't hurt. The bed goes up, the bed goes down...over and over again. Hopefully tomorrow we can get him up and walking to ease some of the discomfort and work out those sore and stiff muscles. He is finally out of isolation now that all of his cultures came back negative so he can even go for a walk outside. They have a nice garden close to his room. The fresh air should do him wonders. I know it will me!

And tomorrow he should be allowed to eat again as well. He has been NPO since midnight last night. Not that he seems to care much. I think the g-tube pain is overriding the hunger pains.

The plan is still to go home Friday if all goes well when they test out the G-tube tomorrow. It needs 24 hours to heal some first before they use it. Besides, his stomach is tender right now after having been "hole-punched" and so they don't want to aggravate it any more today. I think that is why he cannot eat or drink today as well. In my twisted sense of humor mind, I keep picturing the old Saturday morning cartoon characters like Yosemite Sam who, after having been shot, would drink water and watch as it fountained out through the bullet holes in their bellies. I think I'd freak just a bit to see red Gatorade (Jerry's favorite beverage) come whizzing out at me from a hole in his stomach!

And I am grateful to friends who can sew...who thought they were done sewing costumes and the like for my children when they quit participating in drama classes. Thank you Sue for sewing G-tube covers for Jerry, a necessity to keep his tummy skin protected and dry from leaks and irritations. It was overwhelming to think about shopping for those on Etsy and Amazon and eBay. Too many choices and varieties. From beaver costumes, ball gowns, and wolf leggings to G-tube covers. You are amazing and a blessing. And it helps that you are a nurse too!

It's a delicate balance around here now. As mom, I want to carry him to the bathroom when he has to go, summon the nurses for his Morphine twenty minutes before it's due again, and slide into bed next to him and rub his head and scratch his back to take his mind off of the pain. But as mom to Jeremiah, a little boy with autism, I know that I need to be careful how much I give this attention-seeking little man of mine, lest I create a whole new monster to contend with once we are finally past this current crisis. Not wise. But he is still my baby. Conflicted. Hence, the delicate balance.